#1Wordplay
Why are Saturday and Sunday the strongest days?
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Open and share257 UNIQUE JOKES
THE COMPLETE GROAN ARCHIVE
257 unique chances
to make someone groan.
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Play the Groan of the Day257 jokes ready
#2Wordplay
Why did the math book look sad?
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Open and share#3Pun
I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him.
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Open and share#4Halloween
Why don't skeletons fight each other?
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Open and share#5Pun
Why don't some couples go to the gym?
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Open and share#6Animals
I asked the dog, "What's two minus two?"
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Open and share#7Animals
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a dog?
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Open and share#10Science
How do you organize a space party?
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Open and share#11Work
I used to be a banker…
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Open and share#12Science
What kind of tree fits in your hand?
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Open and share#13Family
What's a skeleton's least favorite room in the house?
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Open and share#14Wordplay
Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
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Open and share#15Wordplay
What do you call a fake stone in Ireland?
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Open and share#17Pun
The meteorologist who devised the windchill factor has died. He was 86.
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Open and share#18Pun
I saw a lawyer at the gym outlifting everyone.
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Open and share#19Animals
What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
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Open and share#20Family
Why did the dad joke cross the road?
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Open and share#21Wordplay
Why don’t cows have feet?
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Open and share#22Family
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
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Open and share#23Wordplay
Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
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Open and share#24Animals
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
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Open and share#25Technology
What's a computer's favorite snack?
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Open and share#26Technology
I told my computer I needed a break…
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Open and share#27Wordplay
Why'd the alternate universe Spider-Man do so well on his driving test?
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Open and share#28Science
Why don't scientists trust atoms?
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Open and share#29Music
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey...
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Open and share#30Halloween
What do you get if you cross a snowman and a vampire?
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Open and share#31Wordplay
Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?
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Open and share#32Food
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
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Open and share#33Pun
Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician?
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Open and share#34Pun
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
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Open and share#35Pun
Why did the bicycle fall over?
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Open and share#36Animals
What do you call a cow with no legs?
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Open and share#38Animals
Why do bees have sticky hair?
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Open and share#39Halloween
Why are skeletons so calm?
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Open and share#42Animals
What do you call a pig that does karate?
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Open and share#43Wordplay
Penguins produce an oil that helps their feathers retain heat. That means…
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Open and share#44Music
How do you make a tissue dance?
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Open and share#46Wordplay
What does a baby computer call his father?
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Open and share#47Wordplay
I've signed up to a dating website for retired people.
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Open and share#48Animals
Why don't crabs donate?
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Open and share#50Sports
What do you call a guy who's really good at fishing?
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Open and share#52Animals
What do you call a dog magician?
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Open and share#53Pun
Why is Row so awesome?
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Open and share#54Animals
Why don't oysters donate to charity?
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Open and share#55Animals
What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school?
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Open and share#56Food
Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
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Open and share#57Halloween
What kind of music do mummies listen to?
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Open and share#58Food
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
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Open and share#60Family
My wife told me I should do lunges to stay in shape.
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Open and share#61Family
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
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Open and share#62Travel
Did you hear about the circus fire?
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Open and share#63Work
Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?
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Open and share#64School
Why was the math book sad?
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Open and share#65Pun
Why did the gym close down?
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Open and share#66Family
I used to hate facial hair...
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Open and share#67Technology
What do you call a belt made out of watches?
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Open and share#68Science
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.
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Open and share#69Family
What do you call a man with a rubber toe?
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Open and share#70Food
Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
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Open and share#71Wordplay
Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
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Open and share#72Animals
Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?
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Open and share#73Wordplay
What do you call a bear with no ears?
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Open and share#74Animals
What did the fish say when it hit the wall?
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Open and share#75Pun
Therapist: Your wife says you never buy her flowers. Is that true?
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Open and share#78Food
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers?
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Open and share#79Food
Why do bananas never feel lonely?
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Open and share#82Work
What do you call a factory that makes okay products?
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Open and share#84Wordplay
How do you make a tissue dance?
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Open and share#85Animals
I asked my dog what's two minus two.
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Open and share#86Family
Why don't vampires have many friends?
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Open and share#87Animals
Why don't you ever see elephants hiding in trees?
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Open and share#91Pun
I made a paper airplane but it just hovered in one spot like a helicopter.
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Open and share#92Work
Want to hear a joke about paper?
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Open and share#93Wordplay
I have a horse named Mayo.
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Open and share#94Animals
How do you catch a squirrel?
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Open and share#95Food
What do you call a fake noodle?
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Open and share#97Food
I got hit in the head with a can of soda.
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Open and share#98Travel
What's a pirate's favorite letter?
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Open and share#99Pun
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
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Open and share#101Science
I'm reading a book on anti-gravity…
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Open and share#102Animals
What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
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Open and share#103Animals
Why was the big cat disqualified from the race?
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Open and share#104Science
How does the moon cut his hair?
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Open and share#105Pun
My wife left me because of my obsession with pasta.
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Open and share#106Animals
Why don't crabs give to charity?
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Open and share#107Animals
What do you call a sleeping bull?
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Open and share#108Pun
If I ever hit the lottery, I guarantee everyone around me will be rich.
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Open and share#109Sports
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
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Open and share#110Wordplay
People in Athens rarely get up before sunrise.
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Open and share#111Animals
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
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Open and share#114Music
Why did the chicken join a band?
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Open and share#115Wordplay
What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
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Open and share#116Animals
Why don't ants ever get sick?
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Open and share#117Food
Why do melons have weddings?
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Open and share#118Sports
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
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Open and share#120Animals
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
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Open and share#121Food
What do you call fake spaghetti?
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Open and share#125Food
What kind of car does an egg drive?
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Open and share#127Food
How does a taco say grace?
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Open and share#128Pun
Someone complimented my parking today!
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Open and share#130Work
I'm afraid for the calendar...
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Open and share#131Animals
What's a cat's favorite color?
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Open and share#132Science
What do you call a made up color?
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Open and share#134Pun
Why did the scarecrow become a successful motivational speaker?
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Open and share#135Animals
How does a penguin build its house?
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Open and share#136Pun
Why did the pigeon cross the road?
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Open and share#137Science
What's brown and sticky?
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Open and share#140Pun
What do you call a can opener that doesn't work?
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Open and share#142Pun
I don't trust stairs.
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Open and share#143Music
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?
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Open and share#147Wordplay
Have you ever played quiet tennis?
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Open and share#150School
Why did the math book look so sad?
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Open and share#151Technology
Why did the man put his car in the oven?
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Open and share#152Pun
Imagine if you walked into a bar and there was a long line of people waiting to take a swing at you.
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Open and share#153Animals
What happens when frogs park illegally?
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Open and share#154Pun
Why did the coffee file a police report?
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Open and share#156Work
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?
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Open and share#158Science
I stayed up all night wondering where the sun went…
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Open and share#160Pun
How do you lose 10 pounds eating a piece of cake?
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Open and share#161Wordplay
Why should you only serve Eggs Benedict on a chrome plated dish?
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Open and share#163Animals
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
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Open and share#164Science
Why don't dinosaurs talk?
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Open and share#165Animals
Why did the chicken go to the seance?
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Open and share#166Science
What do clouds wear under their shorts?
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Open and share#167Technology
What's Forrest Gump's password?
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Open and share#168Pun
Have you heard about the restaurant on the moon?
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Open and share#171Wordplay
I finally figured out why David Hasselhoff changed his name to The Hoff.
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Open and share#172Pun
You should say “mucho” around your Spanish friends.
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Open and share#173Food
Why don't eggs tell jokes?
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Open and share#175Animals
What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter?
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Open and share#176Pun
I warned my friend not to play Russian roulette.
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Open and share#179Food
Did you hear the rumor about butter?
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Open and share#180Work
Why are elevator jokes so classic?
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Open and share#181Family
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
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Open and share#183Pun
If we remove all the butter on earth…
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Open and share#184Food
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
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Open and share#185Pun
I'm reading a horror story in Braille.
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Open and share#187Work
I made a pencil with two erasers.
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Open and share#190Animals
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
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Open and share#191Sports
What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?
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Open and share#193Pun
What is pineapple time?
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Open and share#198Wordplay
What do you call a magician that’s lost his magic?
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Open and share#200Animals
What kind of shoes to frogs wear?
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Open and share#203Work
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
One glorious line. Groanbot is ready to judge it.
Open and share#204Music
Wanna hear a Nirvana Joke?
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Open and share#207Work
Want to hear a construction joke?
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Open and share#210Food
What's a vampire's favorite fruit?
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Open and share#211Animals
What do you call a fish with two knees?
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Open and share#212Food
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
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Open and share#216Pun
Everyone said I couldn’t do poetry because of my dyslexia
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Open and share#217Food
What did one plate say to the other?
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Open and share#218Animals
Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees?
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Open and share#219Pun
How do we know that Mike Tyson isn’t very religious?
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Open and share#220Sports
Why do dads take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
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Open and share#221Wordplay
I told my wife I was going to rearrange the spice cabinet in alphabetical order.
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Open and share#222Sports
Why did the golfer bring extra pants?
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Open and share#224Food
Why did the tomato blush?
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Open and share#225Food
I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
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Open and share#226Science
What's ET short for?
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Open and share#228Wordplay
What do you call something that chews all day?
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Open and share#231Music
I used to play piano by ear...
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Open and share#232Wordplay
What do you call a Frenchman wearing sandals?
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Open and share#233Science
What do you call someone who steals energy?
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Open and share#234Halloween
Why is it so cheap to throw a party at a haunted house?
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Open and share#237Animals
How do cows stay up to date?
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Open and share#238Pun
Never date a tennis player.
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Open and share#241Wordplay
Did you hear about the massive sale at the Lego store?
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Open and share#252Travel
testing 123
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Open and share#254Family
I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes...
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Open and share#256Halloween
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
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Open and share#257Work
Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
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Open and share#258Animals
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
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Open and share#260Animals
How do you catch a squirrel?
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Open and share#263Food
What does a lemon say when it answers the phone?
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Open and share#264Sports
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?
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Open and share#265Travel
What did the ocean say to the beach?
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Open and share#266Pun
My wife asked, "Why don't you treat me like you did when we first met?”
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Open and share#270Wordplay
Why did Makena bring a pencil to the party?
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Open and share#271Family
Why did the man run around his bed?
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Open and share#272Family
How do you know if a joke is a dad joke?
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Open and share#276Sports
Why did the stadium get hot after the game?
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Open and share#278Science
Why did the astronomer break up with the moon?
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Open and share#279Science
My microscope and I had an argument.
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Open and share#280Science
Why did the proton bring a receipt?
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Open and share#281Science
What did one tectonic plate say after the awkward date?
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Open and share#282Science
Why was the lab coat promoted?
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Open and share#283Science
I asked a black hole for directions.
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Open and share#284Science
Why did the molecule start a podcast?
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Open and share#285Science
My telescope joined a dating app.
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Open and share#286Food
Why did the baker put a clock in the dough?
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Open and share#287Food
My refrigerator started a band.
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Open and share#288Food
Why was the taco terrible at hide-and-seek?
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Open and share#289Food
Why did the cereal get promoted?
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Open and share#290Food
The potato opened a detective agency.
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Open and share#291Food
Why did the pasta take the afternoon off?
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Open and share#292Food
What do you call a nervous piece of toast?
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Open and share#293Food
My pizza opened a savings account.
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Open and share#294Animals
Why did the beaver ace woodworking class?
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Open and share#295Animals
My cat became a weather reporter.
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Open and share#296Animals
Why did the squirrel cancel its subscription?
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Open and share#297Animals
The chameleon failed the group photo.
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Open and share#298Animals
Why did the rooster start a delivery service?
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Open and share#299Animals
My goldfish became a motivational speaker.
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Open and share#300Animals
Why did the snail bring a measuring tape?
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Open and share#301Animals
What did the polite shark say when offered dessert?
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Open and share#302Technology
Why did the keyboard request a vacation?
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Open and share#303Technology
Why did the password go to therapy?
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Open and share#304Technology
My smart fridge sent me a relationship update.
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Open and share#305Technology
Why did the USB drive get a medal?
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Open and share#306Technology
What did the browser say after opening 47 tabs?
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Open and share#307Technology
I asked an AI to tell me a dad joke.
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Open and share#308Technology
Why did the printer start meditating?
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Open and share#309Technology
My Wi-Fi and I had a serious talk.
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Open and share#310Work
Why did the stapler win employee of the month?
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Open and share#311Work
Why did the calendar get promoted?
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Open and share#312Work
That meeting could have been an email.
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Open and share#313Work
Why did the office coffee file an HR complaint?
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Open and share#314Work
My desk asked for a raise.
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Open and share#315Work
Why was the photocopier promoted?
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Open and share#316Work
Why did the deadline cross the road?
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Open and share#317Work
My out-of-office reply applied for my job.
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Open and share#318Family
I told the kids bedtime was negotiable.
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Open and share#319Family
My daughter says my jokes are predictable.
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Open and share#320Family
Family photos are like software updates.
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Open and share#321Family
I offered to split the last cookie evenly.
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Open and share#322Family
Our family group chat is very supportive.
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Open and share#323Family
I asked the kids to clean their rooms.
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Open and share#324Family
Why does Mom hide the good snacks?
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Open and share#325Family
Our family movie night has one strict rule.
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Open and share#326Sports
My golf ball filed a missing-person report.
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Open and share#327Sports
Why was the basketball nervous at dinner?
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Open and share#328Sports
Why did the referee start a podcast?
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Open and share#329Sports
I tried competitive napping.
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Open and share#330Sports
Why did the scoreboard go to counseling?
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Open and share#331Sports
My gym membership and I are long-distance.
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Open and share#332Sports
The goalie opened a bakery.
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Open and share#333Music
Why did the piano lock its keys?
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Open and share#334Music
Why did the trumpet get a parking ticket?
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Open and share#335Music
The bass player opened a basement business.
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Open and share#336Music
Why did the metronome lose the argument?
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Open and share#337Music
Why did the accordion request extra space?
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Open and share#338Music
Why did the song take a sick day?
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Open and share#339Music
My microphone is far too confident.
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Open and share#340Travel
Why did the suitcase apply for a passport?
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Open and share#341Travel
My GPS and I are taking a break.
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Open and share#342Travel
I booked a hotel room with a breathtaking view.
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Open and share#343Travel
Why did the hotel pillow earn five stars?
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Open and share#344Travel
Why did the camper bring a ruler?
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Open and share#345Travel
Why is airport coffee so expensive?
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Open and share#346Travel
Why did the road trip start an argument?
Punchline sealed until you open the joke.
Open and share#347General
I bought a chair with commitment issues.
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Open and share#348General
Why was the umbrella promoted?
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Open and share#349General
I named my vacuum Closure.
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Open and share#350General
Why did the clock refuse dessert?
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Open and share#351General
My smoke alarm has a flair for drama.
Punchline sealed until you open the joke.
Open and share#352General
I bought a boomerang with a warranty.
Punchline sealed until you open the joke.
Open and share